“Never give up on someone with a mental illness. When ‘I’ is replaced by ‘we,’ Illness becomes Wellness.”
- Shannon L. Alder
You are not alone. Almost 2 million adults in Ohio have a mental health condition, many of whom are married or in a relationship. At SUN Behavioral Health Columbus, we understand the importance of spousal and partner support for those who have a mental health disorder. So, today, we are going to discuss how you can help your spouse with mental illness find healing and support.
Mental health disorders are conditions that impact any person's ability to function in life. There are several forms of mental health disorders, and they can manifest differently for each person. They affect thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. They can result in unexpected changes to a person's mood that differ from their "normal." They include changes in one's mood, personality, socialization, and habits.
Mental health disorders occur for various reasons. Your partner may develop a mental health disorder because of stressful or traumatic events in their life. They also manifest due to chemical imbalances and genetic factors. With mental health disorder treatment, your spouse can find healing and learn how they can healthily cope with their symptoms.
Bipolar disorder is a condition that involves changes in mood, concentration, and energy shifting, known as episodes. The two main episodes someone with bipolar disorder will have are manic and depressive. Both episodes can create a decreased quality of life in someone and impact their ability to maintain their life and relationships.
Manic episodes tend to last 7 or more days at a time. They are more than just an elevated mood and full of energy. They significantly impact your partner's ability to function. During a manic episode, your loved one might feel terrified, overwhelmed, and isolated. These episodes come with many symptoms, such as spending excessive amounts of money, impulsively starting a business, or trying to harm themselves or another person. They can also include symptoms of rapid speech, distractibility, grandiosity, agitation, delusions, and hallucinations.
Depressive episodes, unlike manic episodes, often last for two weeks or more. Like mania, it also dramatically impacts your loved one. It can come with losing energy, sleeping too much, and intense feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and irritability. People experiencing depressive episodes are also at increased risk of self-harm or suicidal ideation.
There are many other mental health conditions that exist, such as anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and personality disorders. These all manifest differently and present different symptoms. An excellent way to know if your partner has a mental health disorder is if they have experienced any significant emotional or behavioral changes since you met them. Additionally, if you notice a decline in their quality of life, relationships, self-care, and more these can also be indicative of something bigger. Some of these other potential signs or symptoms include:
Another sign that your partner has a mental health disorder is if they are experiencing suicidal thoughts or have plans to harm someone else. These thoughts and plans should be taken seriously. Please do not assume they are joking. This, among other indicators, can be signs of a mental health crisis. If your partner is experiencing one, you must take them to 24/7 crisis care. You do not have to call ahead of time. Mental health professionals will welcome your loved one and provide them with the necessary tools required for stabilization and recovery.
Perhaps your spouse recently got diagnosed with a mental health condition listed above or a different one. You have probably found yourself feeling helpless amidst their diagnosis. You are wondering how to help them through their healing journey. While a mental health condition is an invisible illness, it doesn't mean that it is one your spouse has to go through alone. They need your support to find healing and recovery. Below are 5 ways you can help be there for them.
Following the diagnosis of your spouse's mental health disorder, learn as much as you can about it. Your spouse is not the first person to be experiencing this condition. Ask your spouse's doctor for reliable information about this disorder. This can give you a better understanding of what your spouse is going through.
In addition to reading reliable resources, learn from other people with the condition. If you know anyone else with depression, ask them about their experience and if they have any advice for what helped them. You can also learn from others who've had similar experiences through online support groups or blogs, including groups dedicated specifically to spouses of people with a condition.
Learning as much as you can about your spouse's condition reduces any internal stigma you may have regarding mental health. This allows you to approach your spouse with empathy and compassion as you work together to find healing.
Communication is crucial to effectively supporting your spouse through their healing journey. While you can learn about many different experiences and form a better understanding through others, each individual is different and unique. Your spouse has their own story and needs when it comes to their mental health condition. Calmly communicating with compassion and empathy toward your spouse can allow them to explain what they are experiencing and what they need from you to make their recovery easier. After all, they know themselves better than anyone else.
LEAP (Listen, Empathize, Agree, and Partner) is a 4-step method for effectively communicating with your spouse when discussing their mental health concerns. Below is an outline of this method.
Listen: Simply listen. Try to understand your spouse's experiences and emotions. Reflect on what you have heard without providing opinions or ideas. If they ask you for your opinion, promise to give your opinion later and let them know that you want to understand more of what they are going through first.
Empathize: Empathize your spouse's emotions and experiences. You don't necessarily have to agree with their views or emotions, but validating that they are the truth for your spouse is essential. Saying something like, "That seems stressful. Are you feeling overwhelmed?" can go a long way.
Agree: Establish goals you both want for your spouse's recovery. Do not pressure or force your spouse to agree with what you want. Instead, ask them what they want and work together to develop a goal considering everyone's concerns.
Partner: Work together to achieve this goal. It might involve breaking it into smaller, more manageable goals. Write out the steps to reach each goal and divide the steps between you. You can also agree on a time frame for the first steps to begin and be completed.
In a 2022 study, researchers found that 30.9% of relatives of people with mental health disorders experienced what is known as "caregiver burnout." This occurs when you become mentally, emotionally, and physically burnt out from caring for your spouse or another loved one. Helping someone with a mental health disorder is not easy, and it can often feel like you are alone, unappreciated, or unsupported.
Perhaps in the past, your spouse was the person who made you feel appreciated and supported, but now there are days when it feels like you have lost them to their mental health disorder. It’s pivotal to continue to care for yourself during this time, even when it feels difficult to do so. Having people to turn to and talk to enables you to process your emotions and thoughts healthily. This can be family and friends, but it might also be attending therapy yourself.
It is vital to your marriage that you don't spend the entire time focused on their mental health. This doesn't help them get better and could make them feel stuck and unable to heal from their circumstances. Instead, divert your attention to other areas of your marriage. This could mean having a non-negotiable date night every week. It could be as simple as staying in, cooking a homemade meal together, and streaming a movie.
This could also mean being honest about your challenges with your partner. You don't have to bring your spouse's mental health into the conversation. Simply talking about what you have been through and the honest emotions you have felt can bring you closer and help them see they are not alone.
Other ways to focus on your marriage outside of their mental health include giving each other space, showing interest in their hobbies, and physically displaying affection.
Along with the caregiver burnout mentioned above, other than getting support, practicing self-care is a great way to reduce this from happening. You can give your spouse the best support possible when you are mentally healthy. This is because being burnt out might lead to resentment or tension between you and your spouse. Encouraging your spouse to also engage in these self-care activities can help them heal and cope with their mental health disorder.
Regular exercise, sleep, and healthy meals tremendously reduce the chances of burnout. These actions increase one's mood and energy and make functioning easier. Try practicing relaxing activities such as listening to music, reading, or relaxing in nature. These help reduce levels of stress and tension in your body. Don't be afraid to say "no" to anyone. If you feel overwhelmed, you don't have to take on a new task. Also, remember that it is okay if everything in the day is not accomplished. Appreciate what you have accomplished. If all you or your spouse did was sit up in bed, that is a successful day.
Ultimately, the best way to help your spouse find healing and recovery is by encouraging them to attend treatment for a mental health disorder. Upon arriving at the facility, they will receive a no-cost care assessment. This helps the staff work with your spouse to determine the best care plan for their needs. During their treatment, your spouse will learn skills and develop tools that enable them to grow and heal from their mental health disorder, allowing them to live a healthier life.
At SUN Behavioral Health Columbus, we solve unmet needs in Columbus, OH. It can sometimes be challenging for your spouse to realize how much a mental health condition like depression has impacted their life. Our online depression survey is a tool to start that conversation. To learn more, contact us today at 614-706-2786.
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